


If love was enough, I could reach you (I would reach you).

by carmillatales



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - J. Sheridan Le Fanu
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Human AU, One shots based on songs?, domestic hollstein
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-04-09 13:48:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4351157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carmillatales/pseuds/carmillatales
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla never thought she'd find herself alone after seven years of sharing her life with Laura. But after walking out one night turns into eight months of silence later, Laura's finally back in town and ready to fix things. Will Carmilla be able to forgive her, or is it too late?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had the idea to write different one shots based off different songs but this specific idea is turning out to be a lot longer than just a one shot...
> 
> Anyway, this au is based off "Lost" by Aqualung so listen to that while reading this to make it more heartbreaking and to maybe give you an idea of where this little story is going to go. Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> PS- no ones a vampire in this au, everyone's human.

You loved her. 

God, you fucking loved her.

Some people would call it borderline pathetic. And most days, you couldn't help but agree.  
\-----  
It had been a long run, about seven years give or take. Just like every other relationship, there were good times and bad. Though towards the end it felt like more bad than anything else.

She couldn't even remember what the last fight they had was because after it was all said and done Carmilla couldn't help but try and drown it all out. (Though the reality of her trying to forget it all happened hurt her more than the fact it was over at all.)

Sitting on a stool at the dive bar she'd been frequenting, she twirled the straw in her drink aimlessly consumed in thought or rather trying to think about anything other than what her brain seemed to go back to. Lately this wouldn't be too hard but she'd heard around town that Laura was back. 

Laura. Laura with the wide brown eyes you could get lost in. Laura who had almost too many freckles covering the bridge of her nose (twelve to be exact, though twenty-six were scattered around her face). Laura who would always slip running around the house in fuzzy socks. Laura who swore she had no idea how her keys managed to appear under the second cushion of their living room couch every time she claimed to have lost them. Laura who woke up a bit too early and went to sleep a bit too late. Laura who had loved her. 

Laura who had left her. 

Running a hand through her hair, she spoke before realizing she was saying anything at all, "I'll have another". The bartender slid her another drink and while she could feel the burn of the whisky in her throat, she couldn't feel the eyes on her of the person who now occupied the open seat to her right. 

It was the scent that brought her back to reality, a mix of lavender and coconut butter. One that she had been purposefully avoiding since that last time. Turning her head slowly, she noticed Laura perched in the stool next to her. After a moment spent simply looking at one another, the soft voice of the auburn haired girl finally broke the silence that had threatened to hang in the air, "Hey."

Choosing not to respond, Carmilla let out a dark laugh and slammed her fist on the bar top twice, watching as a new drink quickly slid her way. She downed this one even faster than the last. 

"Um...Carm, listen I want to start out by saying-" 

Carmilla put her hand up, palm facing Laura, before the smaller girl could get out another word. She clenched her hand back into a fist and rested her forehead upon it, eyes now closed. After eight silent months of hoping Laura would come back and explain, waiting for when she would finally be able to talk to her and figure everything out, the moment had arrived. Now taking a deep breath Carmilla couldn't think of what she had planned to say if she were ever face to face with Laura again. Instead, she said the first thing that came to mind.

"I can't do this. Not yet." 

With that, Carmilla got up and walked out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who's left comments and kudos, I'm really excited about this au! If you haven't noticed I changed the song this au is based on so make sure you check it out if you haven't already (it's the song that's gonna be mentioned throughout the whole thing.) 
> 
> I'll be trying to update every Thursday but no promises just yet...enjoy!!

Autumn was moving in quickly this year and Carmilla was reminded of that as she stepped out of the bar and walked through the crisp air to her car, coat in hand. Normally she'd shrug her coat on but it seemed as though her body needed it, she felt like she was on fire. 

Once she finally made it to her car and fumbled with her keys a bit, she managed to get the door unlocked and climb in. She knew better than to drive after having a few drinks and though she was always good at holding her liquor she decided to sober up a bit before hitting the road. 

She also knew better than to run the risk of Laura seeing her sitting pathetically in her car, so she climbed over the center console to lay across the back seat, staring up at the sky through her sunroof. 

Running a hand down her face then settling it on her stomach, she took a deep breath in and exhaled. "God, what the fuck is wrong with me?" she thought to herself, "Nearly a year of waiting and all you can manage to do is get up and walk out..." 

She pulled her coat on now, closing her eyes and listening to the sounds around her; cars speeding down the highway, the faint cry of a wolf howling in the distance.   
\-----

After some time she finally got back in the driver seat and made her way home. Pulling into the driveway she sat in her car a little longer than usual until finally getting out and trudging to the front door. 

They had bought an A-frame house a few years after they'd started dating. It was up in middle-of-nowhere Oregon, their only neighbors being the trees. Though they may come off as city girls, a more private life was always the more obvious choice for the couple. And of course floor to ceiling windows with a clear night sky as the backdrop really sealed the deal. 

"Stupid...fucking..boots," she mumbled under her breath as she worked at undoing the laces once she finally got inside. Upon making it to the bedroom, a quick change of clothes later, she forced herself to fall asleep before another crippling thought could make its way into her mind. She'd had enough for one evening.   
//

"That's just fucking great," Carmilla said as she opened the door to an empty fridge the next morning, finding the cabinets to be just as bare. "Guess I'm going to the market this morning," she said to no one in particular as she grabbed her coat and headed for the door.

One of the great things about living so far away from civilization was the driving. Carmilla always loved driving, especially when it meant long twisting roads and only the heavy morning fog as her companion. (Though the companion she used to have sitting in the passenger seat was always the clear favorite.)

She shrugged that thought away and reached out to turn on the radio. "God who wants to listen to this top 40 crap so early in the morning?" (Another thought she also knew the answer to but decided not to focus on for too long.) 

Reaching into the center console while keeping an eye on the road she quickly found what she was looking for. She popped in the mixtape she'd made and settled happily back into the seat.

It went well for the first few songs but then the one song she thought she'd taken off the mix started playing. Something by a band who's name she couldn't remember but could easily classify. You know, the generic: every-song-is-about-heartbreak kind of band? That's them. With a quick "God, I hate this fucking song," thrown in for good measure, it was quickly changed before Carmilla could hear the first line kick in.   
\------

She tried to make her trip to the market as quick as possible considering she was still in her plaid pajama pants and fuzzy slippers. Giving the cashier her signature glare while her assortment of mostly breakfast foods and the occasional box of frozen dinner were rung up, she was out in about fifteen minutes flat, a new personal best. 

Or at least, it was almost fifteen minutes. 

She was about ten steps from her car door when she heard the familiar voice calling behind her. In a moment of panic she sped up her walking and hopped in the car, but before she could turn the engine on there she was, standing at the window. 

"Please don't ignore me. I'm standing right here, I know you can see me," Laura pleaded when the raven haired girl wouldn't even look in her direction. Funny enough, that's exactly what Carmilla had been thinking the last couple of weeks they were together.

Clenching her jaw in response, Laura took this as some weird sort of acknowledgment and continued, "Look you don't have to say anything, at least not yet. I just want us to talk...at some point? I'm willing to wait since I know you've probably been waiting for me too." Carmilla tightened her hands around the steering wheel and kept looking forward, away from the face she longed to see, away from the lips she longed to kiss. Looking at Laura at this point would probably make it impossible for her not to hop out of the car and embrace her in a warm hug, but she knew that she needed answers before things could ever go back to the way they were. 

"My dad had some health problems, he's fine now but he wanted me to come and take care of him for a bit. I don't wanna get into all the details like this, not here. I just wanted to let you know that I'll be staying at his house in case you wanna drop by. You know, so we can talk. We have to talk." 

Carmilla now made the move to put the keys in the ignition once she finally regained control of her motor skills, listening as the engine roared to life. 

"Okay well, I still have the same number in case you wanna call me or anything. It's good to see you again. Get home safe."  
\-----

Carmilla couldn't get back on the road faster. Her mind raced thinking of Laura's words and she couldn't help but feel like the last thing she said was the equivalent of Laura spitting in her face: "Get home safe." As though it was still their home. As though Laura would be home soon, too. 

It sounded all too familiar and all too right. Carmilla couldn't stand it. 

Her hands kept a firm grip on the steering wheel as she drove home through watery eyes. The fact that Laura could still have this effect on her is what scared her the most. She knew that she was still connected to Laura, whether that meant she was still in love with her or what- she didn't know. But she knew that she wanted to talk to her. She knew that she not only needed answers, she deserved them. And she'd be damned if she didn't get them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took so long! I've been swamped with schoolwork but I'm going to try and update more after finals, during holiday break. I'm still very much excited about this AU and I hope you guys are too. Enjoy!
> 
> Ps: this chapter is the first flashback chapter of many.

Once the clock struck 5pm Carmilla had to physically refrain herself from running to her car after work, no matter how good or bad the day might have gone. And she'd never take the back roads home because that was the long route and all Carmilla wanted was to be at home as fast as possible.

But today was different. Today she had decided to take the longer way home. It was a Friday after all and she was feeling uncharacteristically happy, so she wasn't in too much of a rush. On she went, coat and scarf still on since her shitty car didn't have a working anything let alone heater. 

As old and beaten up as it may have been that little black 4x4 jeep had gotten her through lots of highs and lows. Like when she was just barely able to catch the worlds most beautiful sunset on her birthday two years ago after having to drive through the worst snow storm of the century to see it (a high); or when, on her way back home, she got caught in an avalanche thanks to said snow storm for three hours, which meant that she missed the surprise party Will and Mattie had been planing for her for weeks (a low).

But Carmilla knew that Sally (as she so affectionately named her) was the one thing in her life she considered a constant and she wasn't about to give up on her now.  
//

About half an hour of driving later she was getting closer to home, which meant that the roads went on longer and longer. The further she drove the more deserted the roads were which is why she was so surprised to see a car pulled over onto the shoulder of the road. Again, she wouldn't normally do this but considering she was already acting out of the ordinary today she decided to stop and see if the stranger could use some help. 

Pulling up behind the car, she didn't notice any popped tires or rear ended bumpers, so she put her car into park (after a few tries of jamming the gear shift) and quickly walked over to the car. She was met with a sight that immediately sent a wave of panic through her, seeing a seemingly young girl with her head rested against the steering wheel. A million and one different scenarios played through Carmilla's head and she found herself quickly tapping on the window, hoping the girl would react. 

With a jolt the girls head was off the wheel, scanning her surroundings until her wide eyes finally landed on Carmilla.

"Hey, do you need some help or do you usually take your naps by the side of the road?" Carmilla asked trying to mask her concern.

"Oh my god! Yes! I can't believe you're here!" The young girl responded as she began pulling on some yellow mittens and reaching for the door handle.

"Wow I don't think anyone's ever been that excited to see me," Carmilla responded through a chuckle as she took a step back while the girl stepped out of the car. 

"Well, I have no idea where I am and I've been sitting in my car for the past hour and a half waiting for the tow truck that was supposed to pick me up so yeah, I guess you could say I'm thrilled to be seeing you, whoever you are". 

"That's 'Ms. Whoever you are' to you, cutie", Carmilla couldn't help but respond as she took in all 5 feet 2 inches of the girl before her. 

"If that's how you wanna do this then I can play along," the brunette responded in a playful tone as she began walking away from Carmilla and towards the hood of her car. Oh yeah, this girl was definitely not injured and Carmilla definitely liked her already (even though the shade of those mittens were starting to give her a headache). 

Popping the hood open the girls were engulfed in a cloud of smoke, "Jesus creampuff remind me never to get into a car as long as you're behind the wheel" Carmilla choked out while she tried to swat the smoke away. 

"Oh, so is the all black outfit and disinterested aura just an act? Because you seem like the kind of girl who'd like a little danger," the girl responded through squinted eyes and a scrunched up nose. 

"Danger I like, dying not so much," Carmilla responded with the ghost of a smile gracing her lips.

Now staring at the engine, she tried to remember those useless car facts Will was always spouting out. This didn't look too bad so Carmilla decided to play it cool while she hopefully helped this little damsel in distress.  
//

A little bit of water here and some tightening of screws there and Carmilla was just about done. 

"Well cutie," she began as she wiped her hands on a rag, still looking at the engine, "I think she's all done. Not sure how far this'll get you so you should still get it to a repair shop but it should be good enough to get you where you're going-" She was cut off mid sentence by her own sharp intake of breath. By the time she had turned around the smaller girl was definitely way too close and the idea of personal space, or this strangers blatant disregard for it, was resonating loudly in her mind. 

(Wait, have her cheeks always been that rosy? Were those freckles on the bridge of her nose always there? Had Carmilla not been paying attention or had this girl gotten cuter in a span of about 15 minutes?)

Those thoughts were shaken off in an instant because what Carmilla had felt was an eternity of being close was really just a few seconds as the smaller girl quickly recoiled "Oh sorry," taking a step back her excited voice continued, "no yeah that's great! I'm not going that much farther anyway, I don't think, so what you've done should be fine. Is there anything I can do to repay you?" The smaller girl questioned. 

Being the cool, unaffected person she was Carmilla would never ask a girl for her number since she usually got it without asking and she wasn't about to start asking now. So, as to not hurt her own ego too bad she went for the next best thing, "What's your name?" 

(God she hoped this would work.)

"What?"

"Your name sweetheart. Got one?"

"Yeah of course I do, that'd be strange if i didn't have one. But that doesn't answer my question-"

"And you're not answering mine,"

"Laura. My names Laura. Hollis." At that, Carmilla hummed in acknowledgement. 

"Now will you answer my question? What can I do to repay you?" Laura asked.

"That's all I want, cupcake. Consider us even." Carmilla turned back to the hood of the car and slammed it closed while Laura's quick voice kept rambling behind her. 

"Well, wait, that doesn't seem like a fair trade to me." 

"I wouldn't be opposed to a couple of gemstones or rare two dollar bills if you happen to have any lying around,"

Laura giggled at that while Carmilla made a mental note to try and make that happen as often as possible in the future. 

(If there was a future that is.)

"No I just mean, what are the odds that you'd happen to drive down this road at the exact time I needed some help?" 

"Well Laura I guess you're right. Lucky you," she responded with a smirk on her face. 

Carmilla then began walking back to her car, fingers crossed in the pocket of her coat. God since when did she care so much about some random girl she just met? Granted this girl was very different than the usual girl Carmilla was used to but it was a good different. Carmilla couldn't help but be drawn to her, something she mentally kicked herself for so quickly admitting to.

She could feel Laura's eyes piercing through her back as she got closer to the driver side door of her car. Reaching to open it, she finally got what she was hoping for but was too prideful to do herself.

"How about coffee? Sometime soon?" Laura's unwavering voice asked. 

Stopping, Carmilla looked back and quickly nodded, biting her tongue to hold back a smile.  
//

Maybe taking the long way home isn't always a bad idea. Because today, it lead her to Laura Hollis. And Laura Hollis didn't seem like a bad idea at all.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another flashback chapter...
> 
> Sorry I took so long to update, I hope this chapter makes up for the wait. Enjoy!

"Wait!" Laura called out as she approached Carmilla. "You do realize that I need your number right?"

"First you ask me out for coffee, now you want my number? Very forward of you, Ms. Hollis."

"How else would we know where to meet? Or when?"

"There's a little cafe at the top of wainwright road. Once you're on the road if it looks a little deserted the higher up you go, that means you're going the right way. So how about 4 o'clock, tomorrow afternoon? 

"Sounds like a plan," Laura had said with a smile. 

Thinking back on that now, Carmilla caught herself with a smile on her own face. That tiny girl packed a lot of persistence and she wasn't sure if that would be a good thing or a bad thing, though she hoped for the former. 

But that was yesterday and today was today. And today meant coffee with Laura. But before said coffee with Laura, Carmilla had to figure out exactly what to wear.

She couldn't go too formal but too causal might imply she didn't care. Putting on her favorite and strangest mixtape that housed the sweet sounds of Kim Gordon and Ella Fitzgerald, Carmilla pulled what was essentially her entire closet onto her bed and the floor that surrounded it. She tried on a few combinations of mainly black clothing but seeing as she was going to be more late than just fashionably, she decided to go with an outfit that had never failed her before. 

Touching up her makeup one last time she was soon hopping into Sally and making her way to the top of wainwright road.  
//

Hideaway was a little place that sat on a road people only drove on if they knew there was something on the road to be found. That meant the clientele was made up of mostly locals that gathered for coffee and the occasional dinner, especially on summer nights when the doors and windows were kept open and tables were placed outside. Will and her had been going since they were kids, getting their hands on some freshly baked goods and sitting at their favorite table where Carmilla would curl up with a book and Will would listen to music or do some homework. 

They'd spent countless hours there which is why Carmilla had decided it would be the perfect place for her to come out to Will a few years earlier. After struggling with how and where to do it for months she finally spit it out to which he very simply replied, "You've been picking at your nail polish for twenty minutes, and that's all you had to tell me? That's cool and all but try to say something I don't know next time," taking his eyes off his physics textbook to throw her a crooked smile. It was safe to say she was fond of the little red cafe that sat in the nook of nowhere.

"Hey! You made it!" mixed with the sounds of the bustling little cafe, is the noise that poured into Carmilla's ears upon entering that afternoon. 

"Did you think I wasn't gonna show?" Carmilla questioned while taking a seat across from Laura at the small table she was occupying.

"To be fair we only just met. Maybe you're the kind of person who'd make plans and not show,"

"That the kind of person I seem like, cupcake?" Carmilla interrupted.

With a shrug Laura responded casually, "Don't know, stranger. And how could I? I don't even know your name."

"Touché," Carmilla smirked. "So, have you ordered yet?

"I haven't actually, what would you like? And before we get into another back and forth banter, yes I'll be paying for you since this is me repaying you for yesterday. Sorta literally, might I add."

It had been two minutes since she sat down and Laura had managed to say more words than Carmilla probably spoke in a week. She had to admit, it was pretty impressive. 

"Alright, because that seems like a speech you've rehearsed I'll let you win this round. A dark roast coffee with cream would be great," Carmilla said as Laura started getting up from the table. 

"Perfect, I'll be right back."

While Laura was waiting on line to order, Carmilla allowed herself the luxury of looking at her. She wore a simple outfit, dark blue jeans and a button down shirt with a strange little pattern on it. But she wore it well and Carmilla couldn't deny that even if she wanted to. Now she wished she'd spent a little more time on her outfit since Laura made hers look so good. 

(Carmilla had a feeling Laura was one of those girls who could make anything look good.)

Before long, Laura was back with their drinks and a little chocolate brownie. 

"That the chocolate chip brownie?" Carmilla questioned.

"Yeah, want some?" Laura replied as she began pushing the brownie towards her.

Carmilla smiled a bit before gesturing her refusal and adding, "No thanks, not my kind of treat. It's good though I'm sure you'll like it."

"If it's not your kind of treat how do you know it's good?" 

"My brother always orders one when we come here and based on the look of complete bliss he seems to get whenever he takes a bite of it, I assume it's good."

"Hmm, so you have a brother huh? Older or younger?"

"Younger, two years. Just turned eighteen a couple months ago."

"So you're twenty?"

"That's right,"

"When's your birthday?" 

"September..." Carmilla replied hesitantly as she noticed Laura's expression become more and more coy with every question. "Why do you ask?"

"Wow, look at me. Getting coffee with a younger woman," Laura nodded to herself as she lifted her mug to her lips. 

"Younger? Meaning you're older than me? That can't be possible you're like, five feet tall."

"Five foot two, thank you very much. But I am older. About four months older."

"Oh come on! You call that older? You're still twenty, we're the same age! That doesn't count."

"Based on how annoyed you seem to be about the fact that I am older than you, I'd say yeah, it does count." 

Carmilla couldn't help but laugh as she watched Laura take a bite out of her brownie, some chocolate sticking to the corners of her mouth.  
//

Laura and Carmilla had been talking for about four hours ordering coffee after coffee, unaware that those around them had started to head out long before. Finally they decided it was time for them to get going before it got even darker out. 

Once outside, they were greeted by crisp air and the smell of pine trees. Before they each went their separate ways, Laura spoke up. "Can I ask you one last thing?"

"We've been talking for so long I'm not sure there's anything left to ask but you can give it a shot. What's up?"

"Are you ever going to tell me your name?" 

This drew a genuine laugh from Carmilla. They had gotten so wrapped up in the conversation that she had forgotten to formally introduce herself.

"Pardon my manners," she replied around the laugh, "I'm Carmilla."

"Carmilla- what?"

"Karnstein."

"Carmilla Karnstein" Laura said carefully, rolling the name around in her mouth.

"Well, it's nice to meet you Carmilla Karnstein," Laura replied as she offered her hand for Carmilla to shake. 

"It's nice to meet you too," Carmilla replied with Laura's hand in her own. 

"Since we're asking final questions, I have one too."

"Okay, shoot. Even though, you do already know my name and most other things one might share over coffee."

"That's fair, but I'm sure there are other things you haven't told me. Things one might share over dinner, for example. So would you want to share those things over dinner sometime?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Laura said with a smile as she handed Carmilla a small piece of paper with her number on it.  
//

She went to the cafe with Laura on what turned out to be the last morning they would share together. By the time she got home from work later that night, Laura was gone.

Carmilla never went back to that little red cafe in the nook of nowhere.


End file.
